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In the last ten days I’ve received so many wonderful letters from people who read the NY Times Modern Love essay, “I Would Have Driven Her Anywhere.”  Some readers wrote comments here on my website, some emailed me directly, and some emailed the editor at the NY Times, who forwarded them to me. I APPRECIATE THEM ALL SO VERY MUCH. Here’s one I just received today, from Whitney in Portland, Oregon.

Melanie:

I just wanted to thank you. Like so many of the people who have commented on your blog, I am a regular reader of the Modern Love column; however, I cannot think of the last time a piece has made me cry. In fact, I’ve read your column a handful of times, and I cannot make it to the last couple of paragraphs before feeling the lump in my throat.

My family lost my grandma to dementia nearly ten years ago, but she only passed away last June. I emailed your column to my dad (he confessed the emotional impact it had on him too), and I really enjoyed getting to reminisce with him over Thanksgiving – she too would cry “Ow!” whenever my dad lifted her into his car, and my sister and I drove her Ford Escort station wagon until it finally died a few years back.

I cannot believe how often I am reminded of her by the silliest, smallest things. But thank you so much for the opportunity to think of her again.

Sincerely,

Whitney

Talking about this today, on Wisconsin Public Radio.                                https://www.wpr.org/taking-care-parent-suffering-memory-loss 

The emails and texts and comments here on the site are such affirming evidence that we are not alone in the trenches of caring for a parent with dementia. When you’re in it, though, it feels alien and isolating. Thanks SO MUCH for sharing reactions and ways the Modern Love essay resonated with you, thereby drawing us all together in this common human experience.

For those of you who said you wanted to read more, here’s a link to an earlier essay I did on grief for Vela Magazine: “In the Form of Birds”

And hoping soon you will be able to read “Final Instructions for Princesses,” a piece of longform nonfiction about my mother. Circulating! Fingers crossed!

Thanks also to Modern Love and New York Times for bringing this essay to readers.

           —Melanie

Thank you to Modern Love for featuring my essay. And thanks to Brian Rea for the wonderful illustration.

Brian Rea